Anything Goes 2020-2021

New verses to Cole Porter’s “Anything Goes” (1934), written by Alex Eulenberg, October-November 2021

(introductory verse)

Times have changed
Since the colonists dumped their tea
Shouting, “tyrants, don’t tread on me!”
And established democracy

If today
They claimed rights held self-evident:
Speech, religion, or privacy —
They’d be fired by the president!

* * *

What once was just a cough and sniffle now makes people act as if we’ll all die: “Oh noes!”
Anything Goes!

Good health officials now inspire us to stay home by crying “virus!” and canc’ling shows!
Anything Goes!

Compliance is bravery now
Freedom’s slavery now
Self-expression now
Is aggression now
Your trusty guidelines now
Are on the sidelines now
Overturned as the wind blows!

With smiles and handshakes deemed offensive we’re looking at common sense in its final throes!
Anything Goes!

* * *

When the A.C.L.U. sides with vipers who make kids in school wear diapers upon their nose,
Anything Goes!

When those who swear “first do no harm” are insisting we take Big Pharma’s next myst’ry dose,
Anything Goes!

If spikes on proteins they want
From vaccines they want
By mandate they want
In each state they want
Censored views they want
And empty pews they want
Then who will dare oppose?

When friends and loved ones with insistence say “kindly maintain a distance of two stones’ throws,”
Anything Goes!

* * *

When sticking to what’s tried and true to relieve symptoms of the flu means you’re “one of those,”
Anything goes!

When natural grocery shopping lines have cute floor markings to define where to place your toes,
Anything Goes!

So if no packed halls you want
But Zoom calls you want
Apps to trace you want
Every case you want
And passports you want
For watching sports you want
See how fascism just grows!

So raise your head and show you’re not a fool:
Speak up, reject each rotten rule they impose!
Anything Goes!